AtS-vid: Cordelia - My Skin (remastered)

[astarte]

Artist/Song Title: Natalie Merchant - My Skin
Subject: AtS, Cordelia PoV, Cordelia/Angel
Original Date: 2003-04-23
Remastered: 2008-05-22
Summary: ‘Well, contempt loves the silence - It thrives in the dark with fine winding tendrils that strangle the heart. They say that promises sweeten the blow. But I don't need them.’ Cordelia has been through a lot - The vision pain made her slowly untouchable and Angel realizing the truths and changes much too late to save her.
Format: 720x400 56 MB AVI, mediafire, megaupload, sendspace, permanent download link, watch on imeem
or watch the original on imeem

Yay for resolutions and new hard drives. The original vid is five years old and it shows in all the wrong places. There were a lot of unnecessary talking heads, good shots I avoided because they were in every single C/A-vid at that time. So the remaster was more elaborate compared to ‘Watch the Sky’ which was basically plain clip replacing with DVD source.

Reasons to vid ‘My Skin’ back then? Well, to be honest I was bitter. And pretty disappointed by season 4 and how the big arcs played out. The source of my frustration wasn’t even that Cordelia’s body got hijacked and all hell broke loose. It was the way they handled Cordelia/Angel since season 3 toying with the possibility and not committing to anything, which for me sucked the fun right out of it. They were so entertaining before and had an unlikely friendship and trust in each other established and then all of the sudden the complex layers got ripped off, when Angel realized that he could be in love with her. Duh! Or should I go dun-dun-dun?

I mean Cordelia’s heart was always as big as her smile and in the right place – It made Angel look dumb and Cordelia look dumber for creating not intentionally an Angel clone with Groo. Would have telling Angel straight to the face that he has a curse and she has a life and just one of these two things has an expiring date hurt the sainthood they were aiming for at the end of season 3? Doubtless, but I didn’t like the road they were travelling at that point anyway and it would have been more fun than the clumsy denial dance.

I was frustrated by the writers and their poor handling of that relationship. They didn’t seem to grasp why people were shipping these two since the beginning. Or notice that these two had an easy and charming chemistry when romantic love wasn’t forced on them. That they worked in their established patters and that the conventional way of romance wasn’t something a fan of the series was interested. Or maybe that was just me, but c’mon Lilah/Wesley, Darla/Angel or Faith/Wesley compared to the sugar-coated Fred/Gunn, Fred/Wesley of Cordelia/Groo? I didn’t want to see fairy tales – I wanted some inner conflict and not outside forces tearing up the tru luv or keeping them apart by all means. For me this seemed always a lazy way to tell a story. I still think so and the darkness they applied to them in season 4 was once again an outside force and so it was dissatisfying for me. Because I loved their dark undertones beneath the family dynamic of AI and that Cordelia could always be a bitch and Angel could sometimes be an asshole and they still made it work at the end of the night. But –

This is still my favourite Buffyverse ship and canon has plenty of remarkable couples. But this is the one that inspires most of my fics and I tried to capture with ‘My Skin’ what I love about them and why these two fascinated me from the pilot without knowing anything about BtVS or even their history. They just work for me in their endless possibilities and changes. Partly because I prefer friends to lovers and their dynamic is appealing. Cordelia/Angel are the only pairing I can write at any point on the timeline and they still make perfect sense for me.

So indeed very flawed, funny, flirty, fierce and furious and therefore inspiring.

So back to the video - My announcement back then was that this was my goodbye to my favourite ship and this time around I had ‘You’re welcome’ to include which in itself was a beautiful exit and reminder what Cordelia added to the whole team. I think all seasons are equally represented in this vid and like I said, I can find something interesting about these two at any time. Probably one reason why I didn’t cut off the song at the four minute mark and let it have its run with almost five and half minutes. This is as xandra_ptv mildly put it ‘a very long vid’ for someone who hates this pairing with passion and she is right. But she will be the only one who had no choice and was blackmailed in watching the vid.

Lyrical interpretation: I don’t even know how I found ‘My Skin’ - It was before the song was used in Alias and I really have no clue how I stumbled upon this gem. I just know that my mind immediately declared it as fucking perfect song for the emotions I wanted to express about these two. You can’t beat, ‘Angel, sweet love of my life’, if you are doing a shipper vid.

So this is my take on Cordelia/Angel and the lyrics are beautiful and so painfully right, I don’t think they need explaining. So we can skip to the next step on my posting formula:

The Journey? I got a new hard drive back in April and started ripping AtS/BtVS the same evening. I wanted to do several remasters of my old vids for some time now and ‘My Skin’ was on top of that particular list for the reasons mentioned above. It was the one most dearly to me and in so profound need of redoing, so once everything was set for vidding I started straight away and pretty much did the first four minutes of timeline in one week, before I went back to finish ‘Clear the Area’ and getting awfully distracted by Stephen King’s ‘Dark Tower’ and real life once again. So last week I grabbed the final audio quotes I wanted to use and redid some of the final minute and I think now everything holds tightly together in the way I imagined it back then and couldn’t pull off at that time.

Technical notes worth mentioning? I chose simple editing to tell this story and pretty much let my cutting freak run free in the last minute to avoid the audience dozing off. I think that the audio overlays focus the fast-floating images even when some people disapprove of (extensive) audio overlay. The quotes hold the end together here like in the original vid. Again the colouring was done with Avisynth and in my opinion it adds to the overall mood.

Final note: I won’t give into the temptation of remastering every single AtS-vid – I hope, but there might be more remasters in store. It is fun, it is faster than doing a new one and I had some years to think about slight changes for these vids. Even when I fear that ‘Haunted’ will kick my ass in that department. I’m not even sure I will be able to find every Spike scene I used there. Damn. It’s the same reason I was backing away of remastering ‘Hey Pretty’… for the time being. I dearly hope everybody enjoys this new version and now I will be a good little girl and finally do the replies for ‘Clear the Area’, because I sucked so hard at online communication for the past weeks…

Comments

[xandra-ptv.livejournal.com]

Oh wow, baby, the explanation is almost as long as the vid itself. But the video is beautiful and very well put together i can forgive the evilness of your ship. Even though you blackmailed me. Also i must not forget how you ditched me for a month and never even said anything about my clear the area snark. I was waiting to be punished and punish you.

But seriously long winded much? And about Cangle? Aordy? did they ever get a combined named? But seriously you know i loved the vid or i would have been less snippy. kiss

And i'm stopping now cause i dont go on and on with nonesense...

[millylicious.livejournal.com]

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE OMG I'M SO GLAD I DIDN'T GO TO BED EARLY LIKE I PLANNED *coughs*

I will now attempt to approach this in a very mature situation. And completely fail.

*downloads*

[marciaelena.livejournal.com]

Oh man. This vid is so beautiful and so layered I cried throuhg most of it. It made me remember why I loved Cordelia, and why for so long I was a Cordy/Angel shipper. Unlike Buffy/Angel--a pairing I intensely dislike--Cordy and Angel were friends. They *got* each other. They *knew* each other. They went through every possible high and low together and they made each other stronger and better. The love they felt for each other went much deeper than just attraction or a common goal/destiny shared--they *fit* each other, as people, in every possible way.

Thank you. ♥

[haltlos.livejournal.com]

ahhhhhh So shiny... *is in love*

Feedback later.


Good night.

[mresundance.livejournal.com]

Your vids are always a revelation. I am not even some of the fandoms you vid - and I will still watch pretty much anything you make. Even though I am not in these fandoms, you still manage to communicate so clearly the story and the emotions of the characters. All of your vids are deeply involving and often touching - they say something about the characters and their humanity on so many levels. Somehow, though, your eye for the core of character's humanity - the things about the characters that make them most available and vulnerable to an audience - somehow you always manage to bring out those things in such sharply focused and moving ways, ways not even those who created the characters seemed to grasp about their own creations.

The song is beautiful. This vid is a perfect tribute and character study for Cordelia. I can't really say much more.

On that note . . . I hope you don't mind the audacity of my asking: would you mind very much uploading the song for this? It's haunting.

[bananabelcher.livejournal.com]

I found this vid through vidding and I'm insanely glad I took the time to download. This is an incredibly beautiful tribute to this couple, and it reminded me of exactly why I ship them. Their love for each other was so deep, and you did a wonderful job of showing that. The end sequence with the quotes over the instrumental was especially breathtaking, and I had a tear rolling down my cheek by the end. Thanks so much for sharing this.

[proofpudding.livejournal.com]

AW. I love this. This song is a favorite of mine, and works incredibly well here. I also adore the quotes scattered throughout. To be honest, most of the context is lost on me... Nevertheless, I started tearing up right after Cordelia said, 'Angel, there are no people like us' , and kept on crying through the end. Beautiful vid. ♥

[haltlos.livejournal.com]

Das ist zwar total off-topic und ich muss das Vid noch ein zweites Mal sehen für ein richtiges Feedback, doch ich habe eine Bitte.

Ich wollte fragen, ob du etwas für mich beta-lesen könntest. Es ist so ziemlich das längste, was ich seit langer Zeit geschrieben hab (12 Seiten) und ich weiß nicht, ob ich das richtige Ende gefunden habe. Es ist eine NCIS Story (also nicht dein Fandom), doch du schon einige meiner Stories gelesen hast und es das übliche Pairing ist, bin ich bei dir - denke ich - an der richtigen Adresse. (Gerade auch weil es nicht Fandom/Ship ist.) Es ist meine Tate story of doom, weil ich so lange damit gekämpft habe und nicht weiter kam.
Wäre toll, wenn du ein bisschen Freizeit opfern würdest. ;)

[gigglemonster.livejournal.com]

So I first saw this video after finishing Buffy but before starting Angel. I wasn't really sure if I wanted to watch the show or not but after seeing this I very quickly changed my mind.
It's such a treat to watch the show and notice all the moments that I remember from the vid (the voice overs are especially powerful and fit so perfectly). Every time that happens I have to go watch the vid again! Each new time I watch it I'm able to view it with just a little more context and each time it gets even more beautiful.
There's so much emotion and heart in this vid and it nearly brought me to tears a few times.
The editing is gorgeous - I love what you do with transitions and coloring. There's something really unique about your style of editing and it's such a joy to watch.
Now I'm just rambling at you huh? Well, I just wanted to come tell you how much I adore the video and that I can't wait to watch it about a hundred more times by the time I finish the show ;)

[fuzzylilkisses.livejournal.com]

I watched this awhile ago, but i didnt have an LJ so i didnt bother commenting. I am totally in love with this video!! I love all your older Ats videos also.. I would love to see more of them remastered especially "Kinda i want to", that vid is killer!

[boom-queen.livejournal.com]

Here at dayln03's rec and this is gorgeous. Intensely emotional and just beautiful to watch. What an amazing vid!

[quicksand.livejournal.com]

I know I'm about a year late, but fucking wow. I just watched this video and it's incredible. I've never seen a music video for ANY show be that moving. Really amazing.

[chorelle.livejournal.com]

Wow. Just found this from a fuckyeahcordyangel (http://fuckyeahcordyangel.tumblr.com/) tumblr post, and was absolutely blown away.
And can I just say, audio over the top of vids almost always makes me smile, or cry as it may be. This vid did both. Thanks for creating a lovely tribute to C/A ❤

[angryscientist.livejournal.com]

This video, absolutely gorgeous! I love that something new comes through every time I watch it, it's so layered and pretty <3

Do you have it posted on youtube or some other video site? I want to share and embedding BAM on Tumblr is a pain :)